K gave me a Dreamwidth account so I'm testing the crossposter.

Hmm, that sounds almost like a weapon when I put it that way.

"Men, load your crossposters and get out onto the field ASAP. We have enemy trolls closing, so lay down supressing fire and keep our flamers safe while they load up on retorts!"

"Yes, Sir!"

It would be like a crossbow, except that the arrow-holder would be replaced by a tube of glowiness that shot angst and poetry and myspace photos when on one setting, rants and rage and angry faces on another, and embedded youtube videos of up-and-comers in the musicworld on the other.

I can't imagine it being particularly effective on the field.

(I'm really wishing I could crosspost to SpiderSpun from here too. That would make things a lot easier :( )

Next time, before I go looking in places I shouldn't, can someone please slap the shit out of me?

Hyperconnectivity sucks. I should know, I studied it in both Technocultures and Cyberworlds. It's addictive, it's overpowering, it's... ironic that I'd be making that stand on LJ but screw it. It's horrible when you're connected to so many people across so many media that you're connected to too many people across too many media. When you can't stay connected to all of them.

Worst of all, it hurts when you realise you aren't connected anymore. When you realise the reason is no longer valid. When you realise you really don't mean anything to them.

Doesn't mean I'm about to break the break the cycle though. I hereby serve notice:
Impending Cut.

http://www.eyezmaze.com/chronon/v0/index.html

That is link to a flash game from a pretty awesome developer whose name may or may not be ON. He has been developing flash games for X years, and his GROW concept is, in my opinion, 100% awesome. Each GROW game has a set of objects to be entered into the game environment, and one object is entered each turn. Each successive turn sees these objects grow by one level until it is fully developed. The object of the game is to enter the objects in the right order, not only so that they have enough time to mature, but so that they interact with the other objects in the appropriate manner. This is the one I started with and, compared to the Chronon game above, it is easy.

The Chronon game is not a part of the GROW series, though it does feature Curious Yellow Humanoid and Egg Fairy Thing from other GROW games (Curious Yellow Humanoid is pretty standard, though Egg Fairy Thing is, I think, Egg Fairy Thing Mark 2). The objective behind Chronon is to release the little yellow golem (or Curious Yellow Humanoid as I have dubbed him/her/cer) from captivity in the happy ending. I assume this is with a score of 100/100. Sadly though I've only been able to get to 76/100, and I don't even know how I did that! I can only get back to 72/100 now. Personally I think the key to getting beyond that point is to figure out how to cook the ingredients, but... I seem to have hit a wall; who knew you couldn't bake by the light of a mirror?

Last night's post came from a place. Not an emo place. A slightly lonely place, sure, but mostly a contemplative place, not an emo place (I feel I should stress that bit). You see, what I realised was not that I don't have people who think like me. As far as I'm aware I don't have people who think like me, but that was a secondary realisation. The thing I realised first was that my longest running friendship stretches back to about Year 9, with Ellis, and I haven't heard from him in months now. I don't have other guys from school, not even guys I can pretend I like to hang out with, or that I can say "I'm not going to hang out with you because I don't actually like you" to; they're gone; they've been gone for about three years now. No ties left, what so ever.

So the longest running friendships go to Amy and Kelly, from work, but who no longer work with me, with a running time of four years. It's a pretty good sign that we're still really good friends - my inability to keep in touch with people seems to have been over-run by their fondness for me, which makes them willing to actively keep me tied to them. The problem is, they're nothing like me; Amy is a gothic fairy - sweet and loving, she will rage like a dark storm if you wrong her or her friends; Kelly is gorgeous and so full of class and style and smarts that she could kill you with her mind or body, after verbally abusing you for being a sleazy prick of course. I love them like the worlds I dream, and they are my girls, but sometimes I feel like the token gay, the cute little toy you get with your happy meal. Besides, I couldn't have the sorts of conceptual discussions I dream of with them; there's a mental language barrier, a firewall I can't cross. And it's not a deficiency on any point of the triangle, it's just that we're different.

And after them, there's first year friends. Mainly Cyn, Hannah, and Miss Amy. Hannah outright mocks me for writing, in a friendly sort of way, so there's no chance of conceptual discussions there, despite being able to tell her things. And Cyn... I'm kind of too embarrassed to try to talk to her about these things, because while she's known me long enough to know that I'm 75% outside the box, I don't think she realises just how much 75% really is, and I'd rather not frighten her away. Also, she doesn't really have the right background for conceptual discussions - again, there's a mental language barrier.

I find it rather ironic that the role of Wall then fell to Miss Amy, who was probably my last First Year friend, and with whom initial encounters were the most severely awkward. Perhaps that's actually helped somewhat with showing the real me - we went through the awkward awkward phase where I was pretty much metaphorically naked, so everything else becomes that much easier? Still, I feel I sort of abused that a little over the past couple of months (sorry if I bored you to tears), and while I know you wouldn't tell me to bugger off, I worry that you want to sometimes.

Anyway, my point was that I don't have that long-term from-childhood (or even early teenhood) friend that a lot of my friends seem to have. And I'm jealous, because I could really use one. Not just to help me get past the 12,000 word mark for the Project, but to discuss concepts for things in general, to fall back on whenever I need to, for anything. Or even for nothing, just so I could say "I've known him/her my entire life; we grew up together". I don't really know why that's important to me, why I miss it without ever having had it, but in recent times it has become that way.

And yeah, I realise this post is coming from about three different view points, with three different desires rolled into one, and that it's in no way cohesive. I have no solution for that. Perhaps if you'd met me in the nineties it wouldn't matter so much. Then again, my brother has known me my entire life (since 1987!), and I still frustrate him just about any time I speak. Which is annoying because he knows Science and he has good Logic, where mine is... well, tainted, by my thought patterns.

Soon-to-be 21yo male seeks like-minded individual to occasionally bounce ideas off.

I would love to post that somewhere on LJ. However, there are two problems with it:
1) it doesn't say what my mind is like
2) I have no place to post it
3) it's vaguely sexual

I would rather use my brother, because he is a nerd with a freakish memory and has a love for sci-fi (Stars Trek, Wars, and -gate, Doctor Who, Battlestar Galactica, Heroes... um, probably more?), but I think I wear him out. My stuff isn't really the best science (exotic particles to the rescue! though given tonight's discussion, I think he at least appreciates that I have some level of reasoning behind my pseuodmagic), and he isn't a writer, so I don't think he likes it when I try to fudge the fine details for art's sake (not that you have to be a writer, just... I think it would help if he were. It'd help me explain stuff, I think, by requiring fewer explanations... or perhaps by allowing more). Still, I value his input, even when he threatens to bring my precious Engine crumbling to it's knees by telling me I can't have Perpetual Lightning, no, it just isn't possible. At least not in the form I had originally intended - I require another element to create a circuit so that I can continuously recharge the storm clouds with the lightning it is discharging.

I really just wanted to tell him "Ok, look; there's this ring, right? And a ring is a circle, yeah, which is a symbol of eternity. So you introduce a 'semi-intelligent exotic particle that augments the properties of things' to the mix and it takes this symbol of eternity and transforms it into a ring with the Property of Perpetuity, cool? And then you get this guy to wear the ring and the Property is extended to him, because he's wearing it, right, and the human body has its own energy field, yeah, and the ring's Property's energy is extended to, and gets lost in, that field, cool? And then the dude gets struck by lightning. But it doesn't kill him, no, 'cause he's Perpetual, see? And that means he's basically immortal. Except it isn't quite that he's immortal; he is Perpetual. And now, so is the lightning that's struck him, because the energy from the stroke of lightning is a perfect conductor for the same energy that extends Perpetuity to the guy. So now he's Perpetually Struck By Lightning. And now all I need to figure out is how to keep the lightning going in a way that conforms with basic physics, yeah?"

Except his answer was sort of no. But in a way that I got to talk to him about it for an hour. And it wasn't all a waste, 'cause now I know I need another artefact to somehow create a circuit. Which is kind of annoying actually because I was going to have an artefact with Loop as one of my 37 Properties (except I couldn't think of one, so I changed it to Perpetuity argh!).

I'm pretty sure that if I suggest electron genesis using Replication, Adam will find a way to shoot me down. Say that lightning is a dump of all a cloud's electrons, or that the charge would find another path through which it could be discharged because the first wasn't doing it. Or something.

Also, I just realised that I can't actually have the guy getting struck by lightning; he's Perpetual, which means he can't die, but which also means he's constantly in the same state - he doesn't get older, he can't be hurt (try cutting him with a dagger, I dare ya; it'll slide right over his skin), and his body certainly couldn't be part of a circuit because the electrons wouldn't be able to get "in"; they'd basically just travel around him as if he were the most efficient insulator ever. Being struck by lightning would, to over simplify everything about being struck by lightning, change the state of his body's charge (if nothing else), and he can't be changed while wearing the ring. So there goes that instance of Perpetual Lightning; good thing I still have some tricks up my sleeve.

My retainer has a scent. It has since I got it. I assumed that it was just New Retainer Smell, like New Car Smell, and that it would go away once the newness had worn off. But it's now a week old, and it still smells the same.

To be honest, I don't really care that it has a scent; most things do. I'm disturbed by the particular scent. Anyone want to hazard a guess? It's actually a touch ironic that I don't like it </hint>

I'm still sick. It came back last night, after going into hibernation for about six hours. It would seem that my health is strongly linked to the position of the sun in the sky, or perhaps the the amount of daylight in my vicinity; sick at night/early morning, healthy in the afternoon.

But enough about that. Last night, I couldn't sleep, so I started thinking about the Project and all the things I can do with it. Because that's basically the point of it; it's an exercise in ingenuity / mixing blue and yellow to create a magical shade of green with the property of Healing / fun with "magic" science.

I have a couple of plot ideas I want to explore. And there are a couple of scenes that I have to write (mainly a big battle scene: enemy troops and air ships with actual weapons against the Handlers with their artefacts, with support from the Engine). But there are things I have to work out before I can do any of them. That's the problem with creating a new world from scratch, I think; you have to set up the rules as you go, based on what you encounter. But you also don't always know what you CAN encounter until you have some rules set up. It's a little bit Catch 22ish; you need one to create the other, but you need the other to build the one.

Anyway, I couldn't sleep*, so I got out my sketch pad and my list of artefacts and I started thinking. And I started ingenuing. And I started mixing blues with yellows. And then I drew a cat for some reason, but then I got back to the task at hand and started having fun with my pseudomagic. I came up with a way for the Random Generators to be used safely inside the dome from outside, without damaging the dome itself, and without killing the User by creating a toxic environment. I decided it would be easier for the User to create lots of tiny rock golems and then use Grow or Amplify to, basically, turn them into War Golems. There was also the idea that I could probably create sonic weaponry using a pitchfork, a sock and a mirror.

But it didn't stop there; I started asking myself some questions. If your opponents temporarily lost gravity on the battlefield, would that not be awesome? And if you had a way of making lightning strike perpetually - not just repeated strikes, but making the same strike last forever - wouldn't that be an amazing alternate energy source? Weapon? Way to fuck up weather patterns? ('Cause if you've got lightning continuously striking, it has to be continuously recharging, and clouds charge by moving around a lot, so you'd need lots of motion in the one spot... it'd be like a cloud running on a treadmill, but at super speed.) Not to mention the havoc it would wreck on the local electromagnetic field, creating a super(-) along the arc of lightning (or would it just be at the point of discharge?) and a super(+) in the area surrounding the cloud.

And that was really just for the battle scene. I still have heaps of ideas for when the artefacts are basically let to roam free through the outpost and the hilariously devastating consequences thereof. The possessions will be most fun, I think.

Writing introductory material is boring though. I already know all of this stuff; I created it! I just want to jump ahead to the good bits. Aaaaaargh!




*Actually, that's just an excuse; to be honest, I was trying to incur another Project-based dream by going to sleep still thinking about it / saturating my brain with it. I'm such a greedy little so'n'so - like two nights of dreams in a row isn't enough? I just wish I could remember more of the specifics of the second nights' dreams - I know they were fantastic and full of action and detail and Projecty goodness, but the only real specific I can remember is scene with a bunch of metal panels, six of them I think, full of wires and stuff, attached in six-pack formation, each one representing a different artefact. One of them was Storm (Lightning). The six-pack was flying, and I think there was someone below it. My view of the scene was bird's eye, and the scene itself seems, in memory, like a screenshot from a computer game. There may also have been running through a hall. And someone twisting, dying. But I'm not sure.

...and most of this morning's random illness has gone. Woohoo! Gosh, do I love sleep.

I'll start from the ones that are most like "I'm creeped out because he was sober when he fell for me and made out with me" and move to the ones more like "ow".

- last night's dream was about 85% Project: Ether Engine, with plot after plot after plot, and it was glorious and it spells my impending doom. (The other 15% was dreaming about drinking with work people (without ever actually getting my drink), trying to fix one of their pokemon games, and once again being the only one at work to actually BE working.)
- I just spent only about four lines writing about my dreams.
- it's 8:30, and I am fully awake; I've already done the "that dream was fun, let's go back to it" routine that I usually do several times a morning.
- last night, I suddenly realised that I have no idea who I am - other people have specialties and are GOOD at them, and defining characteristics, and are near-complete people; I can't think of anything like that that actually applies to me. Not in a good way, anyway.
- I woke up with a headache. Actually, more of a base-of-skull ache. And I was sweaty. And there were no nightmares to explain it. So I thought I was sick.
- Now, my throat hurts. And I'm kinda tingly all over, where by "tingly all over", I actually mean "the aches have spread everywhere". And all I want to do is go back to bed but OH MY GOD I CAN'T because it's 8:30, I am fully awake, and this is clearly an omen of my impending doom.

Friday:
Got lots of things ready for the coming two days.
Had my first Pirates of Penzance rehearsal - it was fun.
What wasn't so fun was that I was late; I forgot to factor in transport time, so I left home at 3:30 for a 4o'clock rehearsal with lots of things to do beforehand at Broadway:

• pick up alcohol for the night


• pick up a birthday card for the night


• write on birthday card


• eat


• get stamps


• mail out stuff I shoudl have mailed out days beforehand


• get back to uni

Rehearsal had started and I had been walking around with heavy bags of clothes and crap and alcohol (and I don't walk; I powerwalk. Always), so I was out of breath and sweaty.
Went to Redfern Station to go to Heathcote for the night and Work Amy's 23rd - the theme was 80s
Wrote on the card on the way
Arrived, changed, got smashed, photos were taken (one particularly horrid photo at the punchbowl) and may have been dominated by a woman with a slapper
Slept before anyone else, though I kept being tucked in despite the heat and could not sleep (everyone else went to bed hours later)

Saturday:
Woke up in hells of pain - I'd chosen the most angular couch in existance and had been holding myself in half fetal position all night. Cramps; ow.
Left without eating breakfast, and trained it home alone because Kelly decided to stay a while longer.
Track work; fuck.
Two hours later, I arrive home, shower, swap bags and leave.
Have not yet eaten because there is no lunchable foodstuffs to eat in less than five minutes.
Arrive at second rehearsal carrying cocktail wears and a second bag.
Physical excersion+ at this rehearsal - musicaling makes you fit.
After rehearsal I meet Cyn outside and get changed in Education Building after she charms the front desk guy to let us into the closed building.
Walk to Refern to train it to Penshurst. Get food on the way.
Penhurst RSL for frozen_icehart's 21st.
Am the object of Mistaken Identity thrice:

• For: Frozen. By: Bartender.


• For: Frozen. By: Uncle/family friend, wishing me a good night as he leaves.


• For: Nathan? By: The Fruit That Starts With L. (Apparently they went to school together.)

Speeches are awesome, and Frozen's family is pretty damn cool (especially his sister).
Cyn and I leave together because that's how we roll.
Transport home is delayed. Heavily. Like, by nearly an hour. But I still get home earlier than I would have had I gotten a train to Ashfield.

Had a good two days, if exhausting. Showed the teeth off to just about everyone; just about everyone was highly impressed (Tim had no idea what was going on... I don't think he'd ever noticed the braces before.) And, oddly, there were no real dramas to gossip about.

Sunday:
deleted due to attack of the borings

Today:
just got home from the Ortho. I now have my retainer. It's one of those clear mouth-guardy type ones. It doesn't quite fit because of the gap between Wednesday's getting the bracese off and retainer fitting, and today's giving of the retainer, but it's supposed to be good in the next couple of days. I go back for my first retainer checkup on the 12th of Jan.

And, finally: ( meme-age )

... of the teeth, that is!

The braces! They are off! My new, smoothy teeth; let me show you them! Every sentence from now on will end in exclamation points! That is how happy I am at the braces being off!

The slimeyness that was the freshly nakeded tooths rubbing smoothly against my inner mouth fleshes has subsided! The feeling that I am missing things in my mouth has not just yet! My mouth feels thinner and I have nothing to scratch my tongue on when it gets itchy! Also, nothing for my upper lip to grab on to to help create suction seals when doing (not sex)things with my mouth! It is an adjustment, but a good one!

Also, my teeth now look really, really, super long! At least to me! Except that the orthodontist did sand down my lower canines! Now they are much less upside-down vampirey! Sadface!

...artses.

All of these were inspired by a somewhat floralish tablecloth. Just so you know.


This was supposed to be creepier. It's supposed to look like he's just sprung up from behind the rocks, a bit of a Mr Wolf to your Red Riding Hood as you walk through... well, a rocky area. A canyon, perhaps? I dunno. All I do know is that he pops up from behind rocks and asks if you'd like a flower. The fact that a suspiciously similar flower seems to be growing from his head raises questions about the origins of the flower on offer. Sure, he's short, but why isn't his hand above the "counter"? Also, you never trust lizards wearing sun glasses; they're shady.


A pensive wererabbitchicken. They've got seriously good balance these guys, and even better spring-action legs. And those talon-like claws? Dudes, you do not want to be at the receiving end of a wererabbitchicken's handshake. (also, I hate shadows. I don't know why I started adding them to be honest. They always turn out horrible.)


This one is for K. I don't know why. It just feels like it should be dedicated to K. And when your art starts giving off vague vibes like this, you should never ignore it. Basically, these peaches grow on trees and sprout baby heads. They cry a lot. They don't eat a lot. And they don't tend to survive the falling from the tree a lot. Thought to be good use as a fertility fruit in the early ages, it's actually more like The Pill - when you eat the peach, the baby-sprouting-stuff also gets eaten and tricks the body into thinking that you're pregenant SO NO MORE BABIES FOR YOU JUST YET OK.

Edit: ooooh it might be because of the Great Narnian Lubrication Debate, mixed with Highly's Quest To Find The Narnian Pill, and K's blood oranges. Maybe. (quite likely)

There may be more later...

... flail and squee, flail and squee, flail and squee.

Flail: my 21st. It is coming. It was organised. Mostly. In theory. Then I realised I Did Not Want. Mainly Teh Evil Family. Also the venue. Teh Evil Family got kicked off. Which meant Teh Goodside Family had to go too. So just friends. Venue changed too. Venue change meant theme change. Who would do masquerade at a restaurant? In Ashfield? For Thai? Too inconsistent. Am re-thinking. Mother-type got out of sorts for not having Teh Evil Family. Because they are Evil. And because they would curse us. With Abstinence. Actually a Blessing in Disguise. Reminded her that they get combined Christmas/My 21st at a park (... o_0?) the week before. Still guilty-ish. Re-added Teh Goodside Family. Numbers dropped from 80 to 46. Much less expensive. But no more Blessing. Just wish I could have EVERYONE that I originally planned to have (Teh Evil Family is only about 10 of the 34 people I had to cut from the list).

To make up for that...

Squee: Alice in Wonderland. Soon to be movie. Again. But better! With Sweeney Todd and Mrs Lovett as Mad Hatter and Red Queen. Yay for that dude who is her husband! That... crazy dude. You know? Yes. That one.


On an unrelated note: I have decided to go into business for myself. There just aren't any jobs in the world. Anywhere. Ever. So I am going to sell paralyzed birds. I feel it is an untapped market. Think of the sales! I will be an industry pioneer. Would you like a bird, sir? A paralyzed bird? I shall say. Why, yes, sir! Thank you, sir! my customers shall reply with glee. I shall be a milionaire. And you will all get discounts! 30% off for the rest of your lives! Also, we will do parties. Birthday parties. For small children. Small children LOVE paralyzed birds. It will be the craze of the next generation. Generation Impaired!

Also... I have found my dream birthday present. It won't happen though. It would be my Christmas and birthday, and Easter, too, if we did Easter presents, present and probably from my entire immediate family and then some (because we try to set limits on how much we spend on each other, to keep things fair I guess). It is this awesome graphics tablet with interactive pen display! And it will never be mine unless the paralyzed bird industry booms before a better model comes out.

I got a call back for that job.

I declined; I found out what they do.

Why is it so hard to find a job?!

1) Hello, daisk! Hello, eggs! Welcome!

2) taxi driver last night/this morning was a prick - stole $10 off me. I give him $40.20 for a $23.20 fare and he asks "so how much do I owe you?". Me, in my squirrely state, get the answer wrong and tell him he owes me $7 becuase I am a little too well lubricated in the brainspace. Serves me right though for getting pissed on a Tuesday night.

3) I have an "appointment" tomorrow for a job. I know nothing about the job except that it's customer servicey cum marketing... or a customer service job with a view into moving up to marketing... or something. Manager dude looked at my resume and told Underling Marissa to call me up is all I know for sure. I am now wondering whether I should go suitish pants or my really nice jeans, kicking myself for not asking, and hoping that the rest of the people there are as happy and cool as UM sounded on the phone (which is why I'm thinking jeans).

... in which we find out why.

A Chapter To Start A Panic By

... in which there is lunching.

I'd like to start by demonising the bus service. However, that would stroke its ego and make it think it had more control over the lives of people than it really does. So I won't.

Instead, I would like to thank everyone who helped pass notes in class today:
- Miss Amy, for her stellar efforts (oh, the pun-age) as general organiser of trade routes
- K, the crucial connection in the circuit that is our circus, and backstage manager, goddess of what goes on behind the scenes
- B, the mute Cassandra who gesticulated wildly from the window
- and Sjazz, the ball of squee, subject of today's dramatic suspense and silliness.

Newcastle didn't happen for me today. But, some day soon, something similar will.

Also: it's a zombified teddy bear playing the ukulele!

Or, rather, it's a t-shirt of mine with that graphic printed on it. Either way, though, I think you'll agree that it's damn fine. His name is Hannah (because Hannah has played the uke at both SUMS camps now), and his nickname is Momo (I don't know why... Full Metal Panic comes to mind).

... in which there is a spotlight in an otherwise shadowy room, a chair, and two rather angry smoking men who want some damn answers.

Or one pretty non-smoking girl who would like to interview me. Take your pick.

1. Your favourite music when you were thirteen?
Hmm, 13 would make me a Yr 8 kid... to be honest I don't know. I know I sung in the musical Oliver that year. Does that count?

2. First crush: fuzzy memory or embarassing nightmare?
Option three: a girl! "What? Ew!" I hear you say, but I tell you honestly that my first crush was female. Or at least, the first time I thought I had a crush, I thought I had a crush on a girl. I was in Yr 4 though, so it probably wasn't actually a crush. Hmm, I wonder howmany times I can say crush in one answer... CRUSH CRUSH CRUSH. My first proper boy crush still sort of tingles with crushiness. The second and third crushes were closer to nightmarish embarrassment than memoric fuzz, though.

3. Wonderjocks? Good idea or barking mad?
The WONDERJOCK!! highlyeccentric and I once spent an entire thread detailing a stall we would set up inside/outside/inside/on Bosch (a building on campus) at which we would conduct Serious Scientific Experiments on the effects of the Wonderjock. It claims to enhance the appearance of the male package (read: size of bulge), so I'm sure you can all imagine the sorts of experiments and hands-on research we would have had to conduct.

As for my answer: I don't see the point - as soon as your boy or girl gets them off (or you get them off for your boy or girl), the illusion would be shattered and disappointment would be had, thus ruining the moment and ending any possibility of sex occurring between you and said boy or girl that night/day/time period. Clearly then they are barking mad. Also, I would be worried about how obvious they made things while fully clothed.

4. Fictional character you'd happily marry?
Assuming I lived in California OH WAIT NO THAT DOESN'T APPLY ANYMORE. Assuming I lived somewhere gay marriage was all good, I'd marry Peter from Bare (once he was old enough :p). Sadly, there really aren't enough heroes who are queer. Actually, I can't think of too many male characters, gay or straight, for whom I swoon. I'd love to marry someone like Spider (Anansi Boys - Neil Gaiman) if I were of the right gender he were of the right persuasion, but I'd constantly be wishing that I had those kinds of powers and he'd probably get sick of me asking him to do stuff for me. I might go for Tristan (Stardust - Neil Gaiman), actually - we'd be on equal footing, magically speaking, but we'd get to live in a world where even not-particularly-magical beings get to use magic. I'd prefer running water, though, actually.

5. What's your Happy Music?
I actually don't have Happy Music. There's Katie Noonan and a couple others who I'll play when I'm positively charged, but nothing I have undoes a negative charge. Some of my music gets me dark and supercharged (mainly The Butterfly Effect or, oddly enough, Evanescence - there's just something in there that I respond to), making me feel like I should be looking up at people from my hung head while smiling twistily, demonically, with eyes rolled back into my skull - it's a power trip. Some of my music gets me to the brink of tears (Absolution from Bare being a prime example), which can be cathartic I guess. And there's some stuff that just makes me feel like writhing in my skin in a solo dance of aural, mental sex (Army of Me by Bjork, and also Play Dead, come to mind; don't ask me why). But I don't really have Happy Music for use in cases of emergency. I might try Pilgrim's Hands next time I need Happy Music, actually - it's so heart-warming when Peter jumps in to help. Sigh...


If anyone would like to interviewed by me, feel free to ask!

OH! The other thing I meant to mention about the CD Assignment was that I used BARE!!! Twice! Legitimately! And Academically! WOOT!

Track Listing

... in which David is the worst university student EVER!

Why, you ask? Because for my last essay, which I handed in two days late (incurring a 4% penalty), I referenced Wikipedia. Not once, not twice, but thrice! (Also, for one of them, the reference was bogus; I did not get my information there, but could not remember which page I had seen it on.) So while the late fee costs me practically nothing, given that my essay on the post-Beatles works of John Lennon is full of references to a dodgily verified Participatory Media source, four songs, a YouTube clip of an interview and only one real, actual, proper source... well, I think you get the picture. The other essay I had due on Monday was not actually an essay; it was liner notes for a compilation CD of songs related to a political issue. Mine? Prop 8 and Gay Marriage. 46 minutes of music (though I would have liked to have had a lot more on there), 1500 words discussing how the music relates to gay marriage (both lyrics AND the actual music). Was one of the best assignments I've ever had to do.

In other news, I'M FINISHED! Sure, I still have two subjects to complete next year, but they're basically just performing in SUMS and writing two essays (total - one each semester)so I'M FINISHED! Graduation ceremony is ONE YEAR AWAY! (+/- small fragments of time)

Thirdylymost, my braces come off in two weeks from yesterday. You do not know how many kitten-like balls bundles of joy this fills me with. Four years of orthodental torture, prepare to be smited... smoted... smitten?

High fives? :D

where and when should I be looking for results on Prop 8? While I don't really need to know, per se, it would be helpful for my Music and Politics final essay.

Am yet to even think of a topic for 60s. Eep; only four days left!

Oh, and Margaret Cho is pretty damn awesome. Find and osmote her, people!

Last week I was likened to an accessory - something pretty that everyone wants to play with. I suspect it was meant as a compliment. It was not received as such, possibly because I feel like that sometimes. Then again, maybe it just wasn't a nice thing to say.

Yesterday, while I wasn't there, someone else told another someone else that I help with matters of the brain, and then told me (when I got there) that I always get her out of trouble. I like that that trumps the accessory analogy.

Paintball was fun, but painful. We went for Theodora's 21st, and it required waking up far too early because it was in Rouse Hill, but it was good. Some of the group were scarily into it; Cyn and I contemplated what games like paintball reflect from society, and then went and shot people. I think I got one or two people the entire day. I was only 'killed' twice, but I kept running out of ammunition, so I had to get off the field. Most of the hits on me just bounced off, which meant they hurt more than when they explode (which is how you're 'killed' - they leave a "wound"). Theo got me on the visor across my left eye; she was on my team; it may have been ricochet as she was behind me. Thankfully, the only marks I have on me are a bruise on my right shin bone and maybe two on my left side across my lower rib, however my legs are killing me today. Also, the army-style onesies didn't fit anyone except Cyn.

I had another interview on Tuesday, before uni, for a calls job. They were supposed to call me by Thursday to let me know what's going on with training this Wednesday, but I haven't heard from them, so I'll call tomorrow. Also have to call about my 21st venue. Anyway, hopefully this means I have a new job with decent pay. After that, I had a group presentation for Politics; Julie and I wanted to kill Andrew because he'd pretty much looked at what we were doing and decided to go off on a completely irrelevant tangent designed to illustrate how evil and wrong the organisation we were looking at is, purely to start a fight. Pretty sure we hurt his feelings half an hour before we were up only to get him to realise he was damaging the group, which did deflate him for the better, but he still energised the audience; most of them didn't like him to begin with, so what he said was still enough to get them to fight him. Wish he'd just listened in the first place.

Oh, and the Dead Letter Chorus album launch was last night! WOOT! It went swimmingly, if you ignore the sound guy (who should have been shot for Violence Against Music). Almost the whole family was there, which was really nice, and we ended up buying both the album and their EP. We bought the EP once before, but it was mysteriously lost the same night before we got home. I really wish Mike was the vocalist, not Cam, but I guess Cam can't help not being as tonal as others. And Gabby's voice is still amazing :D

... in which things are not as they seem.

Interview was a load of crap this morning. I'm not just saying that because I didn't get the job (though I probably wouldn't care as much if I had); I'm saying it because it was a load of crap.

"Hey guys, come in. We're just going to ask you to stand up, tell us your name, and then answer the five questions on your sheets of paper. And we want you to be stupid; don't take this seriously."

First, I have a problem with them telling us they want us to act stupid.

Second, I have a problem with the questions they asked: Why is a manhole cover round? Italian or Mexican? Do you sit in the front seat of a cab or the back and why? If you randomly found $10,000, what would you do with it? Etc?

Third, I have a problem with the fact that it lasted all of five minutes, at which point we were asked to leave so they could discuss our answers. A minute later they pop out, pick two guys (the first to answer questions, who was a goofball from what I could tell, and the guy before me who didn't even dress for the occassion - where was his shirt and tie, and why was it not important for him to be wearing them when we had to?), and tell the other three people that we should all reapply next time... which is when? WHO KNOWS!

Alex was cute though. One of the other guys applying. Footballer, though. Still, eyecandy is eyecandy, and it did soften the blow. I'd have preferred the job, though.

... in which David has to build himself a new disposition.

This week I've been looking for a new job. Harry's only been able to give me one shift a week, so it's been pretty bad lately for me, especially with the crazy numbers of 21sts I've had/will have soon. I still can't believe I spent $500 in one week... I just don't do that! Well, not usually; clearly I have done it. But that is a slight detour - I have been looking for a job, and therefore have been handing out resumes.

To be accurate though, I have actually only given out two, and one of them was given back to me. The first place that was accepting resumes was my localest Angus and Robertson; it was the first place I hit, and I was completely unprepared mentally, which I didn't realise until I was there talking to the girl behind the desk. It didn't help that she just popped up as I was walking up to her - I'd thought I'd have at least a minute to figure out what I'd say while she walked over from whatever dark corner she'd been lurking in. But no. Still, she took the resume and it actually looked promising.

Then I hit EB Games. I think I said something like "Hey, um... ... I'm looking for a job... I was just wondering if you guys have a... special way of doing that..." (as in hand in a resume, application form, or online, but I didn't say that) (and yes, that double ... was an exceptionally long pause); clearly I was still unprepared. Dude Behind Desk was cool though, and told me that I should come back the next day when the manager was in and hand in my resume directly to him. Also told me I should wear shirt and tie to look confident (I'm pretty certain that was because I didn't SOUND confident AT ALL).

Next hit was Dick Smith Electronics, where the guy I spoke to was as much a noobescently bumbling fool as I. Apparently they only work with online applications. I still didn't explain that question, but at least this time when I asked it made me sound like I knew what was may or may not have been going on... sort of. Online, I found that there aren't actually any jobs there anyway, despite Nooby Guy referring to the job I was looking for as 'the' job; not 'a' job, 'the' job.

Everywhere else was kinda lame, and there was no way I'd get a job there anyway; they're all family-run or similar.

Next day I went back to EB and gave the manager my resume. Was completely prepared, and was in shirt and tie, and I have a group interview tomorrow. The idea of a group interview still sort of irks me - mainly because i don't really know how it's going to work - but I have it nonetheless. I asked what I should bring, and Manager said nothing except a copy of my resume, and then handed mine back to me. I found that really really odd, but there you go. Also said I should bring a bright, sunny disposition, but where the buggery am I going to find one of them?

Yesterday and today I was going to go to Burwood and hand out more resumes/applications, but to be honest, I really don't want to. I might go next Monday afternoon. I should; I know that the interview isn't a guarantee that I'll get the job, but I'd like to see how it goes before I move any further in the hunt. It's probably stupid, but there you go.

Tuesday, I might pop down to the Marly to check out their function room after uni. I really need to get on top of my 21st. I might have a chance to check it out tomorrow after the interview, seeing as it's at Broadway and the Marly is Newtown, but I have work at 2 so... we'll see how it goes.

Fuck! I wish I could just say the things I want to say! But no, that would end in suicide, and we can't have that; that would be bad. So I'll just bottle everything up and slowly build up resentment towards you, until one day I snap at the wrong person, you blame yourself anyway, and then, what? You go and commit suicide. Yeah. And then I've gone and fucking wasted three years of tolerance on you.

It'd be really nice if I wasn't the only Ear around, you know? FUCK! It'd be one thing if I was getting paid for it, or if, I dunno, my advice and/or suggestions and/or encouragement was ever ever ever listened to, but no; I'm just wrong, I couldn't possibly know how to handle things. It's not like I've ever been Depressed. It's not like I have crippling phobias. It's not like I have your best interests at heart. It's not like your Depression is creeping under my skin, turning into my own. It's not like I have an iota of intelligence, or experience. It's not like you could take a fucking stand for something, just once, step outside of your comfort zone, just once, change one tiny thing for the better, just. once. and benefit from it. No; it's all just too fucking hard.

FUCK! JUST SHUT UP FOR ONCE AND LET ME BITCH!

... in which I expose myself.

1. My second biggest fear is of suddenly waking up. Mainly because I think that I'll find out I blacked out while walking, and that I'll have woken up in hospital with tubes every whichwhere, covered in blood. (Would it all be mine?)

2. My third biggest fear is that my memory is not complete. (Where was I when that girl went missing?)

3. Sometimes - this is going to be one of those "David is a freak" moments, by the way - sometimes I feel a sort of second skin surrounding me; when I've mentioned wings and tails and snakes and those spider-like legs that protrude from my back and... all the ones I can't remember, those were second skins. It's sort of like I'm wearing a suit, but it's also me, to the extent that I can sort of lose my mind to it, go a little bit primitive. Necks look particularly delicious at moments such as these. (I can practically taste your skin, smell your sweat from here.)

4. My fourth biggest fear is that I'm not as Good as I think I am. Sometimes, I wonder what I'm capable of. Sometimes, I think I could just sink my teeth in and not let go. (Those moans sound almost sexual. Almost... but not quite.)

5. Sometimes, I'm filled with this hunger. It's a like a gaping cavern in the pit of my soul that I know won't ever be filled. I don't know what it wants, but in the quiet moments, I hear it. It yawns in silence, but it echoes. (God I need to eat some... thing.)

6. My biggest fear is that, when I hit my head last year, when I knocked myself out on the road, I woke up wrong. (Better.)

... again.

Facebook makes finding people you met on elevators a little too easy, no?

Also, Oscar's apparent manliness is... disconcerting; I now feel he is completely not my type, yet... I still think he's cute and he's obviously musical (he plays the clarinet!), so if randomly bumping into him doesn't work, I can truly say I always had facebook. I just wish I knew if he were single (and a confirmation of his persuasion would be nice, too)! Sigh.

I AM SUCH A STALKER WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME PLEASE REMOVE MY INTERNET NOW KTHNX

I'm a member of MUSE now, the musical theatre society. Kenny asked me to join and attend their AGM so they could achieve quoram (?) and get people sworn in, so I did. I think I'm now auditioning to be in Pirates of Penzance for next year as an added side effect. Woot?

Hannah's been freaking out about being Camp Officer for SUMS again next year, but three minutes before rehearsals started, she told me she wants to do it. Weird. So, as we were having our AGM too, I was elected Co Camp Officer (Deputy) with her (Sheriff). I'll do the stressful things, she'll do the fun things. And drive the trailer. I probably won't stress like she has, at least that's our thinking. If I am affected by it, though, I won't know until I wake up with big, bright red Acne Face again like Year 12. I swear I didn't know I was stressed until that hit... and lasted two years. I had such pretty skin up until then.

Also, because I told a friend I would ask around: Is anyone in need of kittens? There are four apparently up for grabs in a little while - they're still too young to leave their mother, but soon they'll be old enough to be pimped out. Because kittens are the whores of the petverse.

... of which I only have about -0.21%

Internet has been acting up a bit lately. I was only told tonight when I asked my brother what he was sounding upset about during a conversation with my dad. It turns out that we've been going over our limit because of crazy amounts of uploads. Not downloads; uploads. And crazy; crazy like 13.5 gigabites in the space of 8 hours. Crazy like a fox being bitchslapped by upload costs.

It also turns out that there's a pretty big chance it was me. Well, my computer. Well, a stupid program that I have installed that isn't actually supposed to upload when I tell it to stop but sort of does anyway. Well, me, because I didn't know how to fix said problem even after talking to my brother about it and therefore sort of left it to fix itself. Well, my brother, seeing as he didn't fix the damn problem when I told him about it.

Well, me.

It's quite possible that said program uploaded 55+ gigabites in one month. Our plan caps at 60. Oops. Oops I say, while throttling said program, which has finally been uninstalled. Of course, if this had been mentioned a little earlier, I would have gotten rid of said program then and there and we wouldn't have just half our cap left for this month. This month that started about three days ago. Apparently said program was running, uploading against my will, from midnight Wednesday morning to 8am.

There's a chance it could have been pirates, or even people stealing our internet. My dad's friend used to do that a lot, as did my cousin. I don't like that, because it leads to things getting blamed on me. Well, my computer. Well, a stupid... well, you know where this is going.

In happier news though, while I didn't actually see Oscar on Tuesday (which bummed me out rather a bit too much considering I'd only spoken to him once, a week before), I did see him on Wednesday. He was running to get something printed, and there are no printers in the music library, and I had Hannah on my left and long story short she was having a bad day, and we all know that I'm a coward. So, we talked, but not a huge amount (though I think I scored points for both a) taking Music in the Sixties, and b) being enthusiastic about a Credo he may or may not know... actually, I think may have lost points if he did know it, purely based on the way I was enthusiastic), and I was a complete and utter moron and I didn't get his details or give him mine. I did, however, recognise him at first sight, so I give myself points for that.

areyoustrange, I believe you were right; I am terminally single. And by my own hands, or lack thereof. Dear Neopagan Girl's gods, I hope I get another chance. I haven't asked for any, but I've been given heaps already... I hope I haven't gone over my cap for this boy.